The occult history of Odin’s lost tribe

Back in the golden age, when odinists could praise Odin and frequent His temples without being holocausted by weak, cucky Christians, Odin made clear his true word (unbeknownst to thou, but knownst to us) that the sanctified cosmology with the earth as a flat disc was only symbolic. Furthermore, those taking His word literally were to be banished from His presence. Wikipedia sums up this sybolic cosmology in Odin’s scriptures thusly:

The Earth of Norse mythology  was a flat disc. This disk is in the branches of the world tree, or Yggdrasil. Asgard was located at the center of the disc. Asgard is where the gods lived. Asgard could only be reached by walking across the rainbow (the Bifröst bridge). The Frost Giants lived in an place called Jötunheimr. Jötunheimr means giant realm.

Now to be perfectly spherious, this is strictly metaphorical, but the ignorant and lost followers of Odin took His word literally, gaining nothing but banishment from Valhalla.

Odin and Frigg

Odin pondered profoundly, wishing to keep to keep his beloved though totally retarded followers from wandering in the desert forever, stroking his perfectly shaven head and shiny (though sandpaperish) face, which reminded one of women, boys or flaming faggits. When revealing his musings with his wife Frigg, who just got back from Jötunheimr with matching tattoos from American History X, His master plan was finally forged.

Odin thundered with his massive voice, “We can have the lost tribe of Odin finally meet their chosen gods. It is then that they will accept the truth.”

Frigg said, “Oh my Lord, that’s positively brilliant!”

Christians had just started to nefariously exterminate the followers of Odin with ancient herbal pesticides, backstabbing them as they were forced to flee. They started their incessant wandering in the desert and heretofore became known as the Lost Tribe of Odin.

The only one among them who verily grasped the Truth in this exile and suffering was their leader, Chosess, who, in his powerful grasp of their predicament, steadfastly refused to debate it entirely.

Chosess refused to debate them

Chosess, in direct communication with Odin, found a safe route where none of those weak cucky Christians defeating them had been observed for 2000 years, making their heroic escape.

The object around which the odinists were wildly dancing

In later generations the remnants of the lost tribe of Odin was still wandering in the desert, now going around a flat disc shaped object, dancing wild, claiming they had found the truth.

This made Odin sad. But as he had already doomed a lot of his followers he knew his plan would finally succeed. And soon, the lost tribe of Odin found gods chosen, but some of them were skeptical:

“Are you really sure the planet is a huge ball?” mused a confused odinist.

Many of them were skeptical, but most of them finally accepted that their disc-shaped model/metaphor was wrong, and a baal object was given to them as the final solution to their confusion. One of the chosen dieties became so happy for them that he gave his tongue as a sign of his joyfulness.

And their god showed tongue in homage and joy

 The End

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1 Response to The occult history of Odin’s lost tribe

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