Dude. I totally have a hot girlfriend, but she’s in another state.

osama_somewhere_behind_me

"I totally killed a super scary guy, and I put the body somewhere behind me."

Also, like we just killed O-summa camel jockey who commanded planes into the pentagon and stuff from a laptop computer and satellite hookup in a mountain cave in What’s-it-called-istan. He’s now called Been-laden with Lead, arf arf. BTW don’t ask me where that is on a map because I went beyond mappage two years ago when I was stoned and saw a TV commercial with a dog saying “I love you.” I can now go anywhere at the speed of colitas and have no need for paper stimulations.
Osama is dead, but I put the body in the ocean.Now I know some of you conspiracy theorists will demand a body or some proof or something gay like that. But totally, I saw a picture that Pakistan photoshopped with Osumma Guy’s face all messed up, and a picture on CNN of Obama and company watching live video of our troops killing OBL. They are so like gonna release that video, and it will be so kickin’, just as Katie Cowlick noted at the start of the Gulf Intrapersonal Problem. But even then dudes, you can’t have the body and stuff, because it’s Waziriscam tradition.

I have a new photo here which will prove that it’s Waziristan tradition to fly bodies 3,000 km from the desert mountains over to the sea in some unnamed location which some bad-awesome US general is totally going to disclose later and stuff. Here it is, you tinfoil hat loonies. Read and weep.

This is the master burial master Alladin, featured once before in a Disney film, which somewhat fictitionalised his life and stuff. Whatever. He’s the burial master of What’s-that-istan. He’s the rad badman master of the crypt, in the high-tech freedumb fighter outclaves of 007 Goldeneye heroin hercules plane -istan. Saideth he in a CIA-exclusive interview:

Osama Bin Gettin Dumped

He may have been shuttled off in a copter. Authenticity of this photo has not yet been confirmed.

“It’s totally our tradition here to fly helicopters, hovercrafts, or magic carpets 3,000 km over to the ocean, instantly after the death of a Muslim. No pictures are allowed because that would insultify the dead body all the way. You can take DNA from the Muslim’s dead sister and confirm that the man I just dumped into an undisclosed part of the ocean is dead, though, which is scientific due to the three-capital-letter process that’s being done by smart dudes in labcoats, and halal….And stuff.”

Smokin CNN doobageOK maybe I paraphrased a bit on that one. But hombres. Someone just told us on the news that OBL is dead. Therefore, we should pack our bongs and bottles of JD and head for the whitehouse lawn to have a jubilation party. Ding-dong the wicked wasabi is dead!

911 Historical image

911 live image, from historical archives. Did Osama have help from pandas? Historians are still figuring out how exactly Osama did the towers

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