WIT is Zonophobia?

Obomba the beltless wonder

Obomba: a circumcised queer with a subconscious fear of belts

Zonophobia is yet another new word coined by the KBH, a root-tootin’ organization of banjo slappin’ hicksters lookin’ to improve the accuracy of the English language from a the standpoint of righteous Southerners.

There is currently no zonophobia featured in any dictionary, because it’s an issue which is clearly avoided in discussion – the fear of belts. Now why in tarnation, Uncle Jeebers, would anyone want to avoid that topic?

Well I’ll give it to you straight up. Is ya ready? Currently many men in civilized countries are havin trouble bucklin up them seatbelts ‘cuz they was belted down and razor raped as babies. They refuse to abide by seatbelt laws, they fight seatbelt tickets in court, and they even wrap the seatbelt around the emergency brake or some other object so as to make it look like they is wearin’ a belt, but they really isn’t…just ‘cuz.

Zonophobic cops

Around 50% of cops are zonophobic, even though they're entrusted to enforce seat belt laws

Most American police officers are genitally challenged, and at least 42% of them do not wear seat belts. [1]

At least 42% of police officers killed in vehicle crashes over the past three decades were not wearing seat belts or other safety restraints, according to a federal review.

Head Shrinker who warns of random bouts of sugar maladjustments

Head shrinker who warns of random bouts of sugar maladjustments, Mr. Jurriaan

Now if you want to see somethin’ odd in this discussion, just ask Jurriaan, a head shrinker workin’ in Australia. Now God bless ‘im. But he’s givin some right silly advice here when a 47-year-old Usonian man named Dustin asks:

I have a real problem with wearing a seat belt when driving or riding in a car.  This is complicated by the fact that, here in the U.S., wearing of seat belts while driving is required by law.  I have actually received one ticket and one written warning for not doing so.

Jurriaan replies:

As with most irrational fears, they are due not so much to psychological problems but due to a BIOLOGICAL problem.

Most people with irrational fears have been found to be hypoglycemic, which is a sugar handling problem. This can cause excess adrenaline production and trigger the sensation of fear without a real object.

Iron maiden for tots

The Jewish Iron maiden for tots

Now God bless ‘im for not suggesting drugs. But suggestin’ that ppl is afraid of stuff because of some random mistreatment of sugar in the body is gettin’ a bit silly.

Could it possibly be that someone who was belted down in one of them “circumstraints” would somehow grow up not likin’ belts? Could it possibly be that a guy who was razor raped himself would would think his condition is simply the norm, and not think of razor rape as an explanation for anything? So we forgive ya, brother Jurriaan.

We’ll be prayin’ for ya, that you, Dustin, and all those like you repent from sin and restore that foreskin (in both spirit and body), if you haven’t done either already. If you need any help, just call. Sorry for wastin’ your time. Amen and OM.

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